Feelings

I really don't know why, but I'm simply far away from being fine.

Gotta go studyin' for maths at friday...

Gig

I've been said it wasn't bad at all.

But to me it sucked. Don't get me wrong, maybe many people would've said it was a good one.

And with only 1 rehersal I gotta say it went pretty well...

But I'm far away from being ok with that "oh, well, lets have a gig, we don't need that much rehearsals, we'll simply play, it will be fine..."

That sucks ass. Sometimes I ask myself if that band (or at least the attitude towards rehersals) is anywhere near right to me.

my 2 cent.

To be or not to be

Why should I try to be? What should I try to be?

Sounds all kinda pathetic, I know.

What's to achieve in life?

Is love the answer. Somehow I doubt it.

Maybe 'cause I don't know any better.

In the end everybody is egoistic, egocentric. Everything comes down to that.

Is this a bad thing?

I don't know.

Creed - Whats this life for?

Hurray for a child
That makes it through
If there's any way
Because the answer lies in you


They're laid to rest
Before they know just what to do
Their souls are lost
Because they
could never find

What's this life for
What's this life for
What's this life for

I see your soul, its kinda grey
You see my heart, you look away
You see my wrist, I know your pain
I know your purpose on your plane

Don't say a last prayer
Because you could never find

What's this life for
What's this life for
What's this life for
What's this life for

But they ain't here anymore
Don't have to settle the score
Cause we all live
Under the reign of one king

But they ain't here anymore
Don't have to settle no God damn score
cause we all live under the
Reign I said we live under

One king
One king
One king

But they ain't here anymore
Don't have to settle no god damn score
cause we all live
under the reign
I said we live under

One king
One king
One king

But they ain't here anymore
Don't have to settle no god damn score
cause we all live under the reign of of one king

A different approach

Life


Echoes


Darkness


Warmth


Closed Eyes


Beauty


Pure


Smile


I dunno why those things kinda popped into my head. On a scale from 1-10 (more=better) I'd be probably at a 4,5 right now.

Listening to "For the love of god" right now.

One of the top 5 songs ever to me. So pristine, flawless. Like a lotus flower with morning dew on it. You can really imagine going through the woods, just feelin' fine. No less, no more. With all the pecularity in all the feelings that could be overcome.
Like when you meet a nice woman, talk to her for 5 minutes and you can't look away from her eyes. Like gettin' goosebumps on something so unbearably beautiful that you want to cry. Like closing the eyes and turn to the sun, that dark shades of orange and red that occur in your head then. Simple beauty.

No matter what I do atm, I dunno why I do it. Like, why should I learn Mathematics, why should I practice guitarplaying. Whatever it is, it does hardly make any sense to me.

Got drunk.

Had some good talk...

With some girl I'll probably never see ever again. Well...

I think my talkin' had some positive influence - nobody needs to be perfect, and too much perfection may even kill you.

If I were not as drunk as I have been - maybe I would be more sure about what she said and what I said - and in that case not knowing her would probably be harder to me. strange strange.

Never the less - Shine on you crazy diamond...



Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!

2008

is here, and so far, it sucked! Big time!

I dunno exactly why, somehow it didn't go together so well so far.

(New year itself was kinda neat, kinda drunk and funny. [until about 1 Hour URSPRUNGBUAM - I bearly can't stand that shit - I thought about hitting the Ursprungbuam themselves or everybody that listens to that kind of music...])

the last 5 minutes changed the whole mood simply because I don't have maths at monday. Thats all.

In the last few days I wanted to dig some really big hole, get in and kinda close it. Or the more native american way: climb a mountain and wait to die. I dunno.

My self esteem is somwhere below zero. ATM I think I didn't accomplish anything in my whole life, I feel there's nothing I'm at least kinda good at.


Phoebe Buffet - Smelly Cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat
what are they feedin' you
Smelly cat, smelly cat
its not your fault

Sucks. All sucks.